My Shallow Heart

The night was pitch dark as if the moon and the stars never existed. There was no sound but the constant hoot of the owl now and then.

Suddenly, some neon white lights starts to flicker. And then it stops, as suddenly as it had started. There is a soft glow diffusing in the air and I realize it is from those street lights illuminating a narrow lane. On the either side of the lane there are isolated fields with thick lush trees.

Something flickers in my heart. I simply know I have to just follow the narrow path. So I walk along on the path long taken and I find myself standing in front of a huge mansion. I walk up to the door. The door is as ancient as it looks. I wouldn’t know. I raise my hand to reach the knob…

And I find the familiar flickering in my heart. I listen to it and I know the flickering is a feeling I wouldn’t want to confront. And at the same time it is the same feeling which still gives me the strength to walk ahead.

I reach out to touch the door, to give it a small nudge. To my surprise it is already open…

I step in the mansion, and my heart is filled with darkness I never knew existed. My feelings are suddenly sharply defined and felt: The flickering was that of an impatient fear. Now, there is just plain darkness.

The room is invisible and empty. Until I open the eyes in my mind. And I see a face. A familiar face whose name is lost on my lips. There is a distance felt between  us. A distance as big as between two continents. And my tongue is lost, speech forgotten its existence. The image evolves and starts moving like a movie. It is a movie of my past.

Finally, my tongue finds its speech. And the Face seems to lose his life. My speech was a poisonous dart shot straight from the heart. It is too late by the time I realize what I have done. I could see life slip out of his eyes, and then his heart finally ceased to beat. The Face was dead.

There is a satisfied feeling in my dark heart. And I am lost somewhere in that darkness. There is a sadistic pleasure, which the darkest of heart would drink shots of pleasure on. I could sniff the content oozing out of it…

To the relief of my other half, there is a subtle but strong struggle surfacing underneath. It was my conscious overriding the darkness until the victory was absolute.

My eyes were wide open to the reality that lay ahead and the pain is infinite. There was a loss. I turned, to see the door outside, and there I found her waiting. She stood there smiling, my Life with her arms wide open.

I rushed to her open arms and buried my head in her neck, smelling her scent. I could feel  a tingle in my heart as the scent calmed my erratic nerves, feeling the flickering dark poison slowly dissolved.

I felt her voice jingle in my ear as she whispered, “I am always here” as she raised her hand and placed it  where my heart rested.

The mansion is suddenly lit with pure white light.

And this blinding feeling that has filled in my heart is love.

Infinite love.


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