Apparently, pain demands to be felt. But then what about love? Love, something that which we pursue so desperately. To love and be loved. To bask in the admiration of one person we truly wish to be with. Drunk, so passionately on this idea that love and only love can mend everything that has been broken and left broken inside of us. Drunk, so hopelessly on this belief that, that one love will make it all right and that we will be whole again.
Pain, I agree demands to be felt. It is felt. Felt so deeply that at times I do not know what to do with that feeling. Maybe this pain is out of missing someone who has now slipped onto the other side. Maybe the reason behind this pain is the insecurity and jealousy that has creeped into my mind because of my obsessive assumptions nearing to unhealthy paranoia. Maybe the reason behind the pain is the acceptance that the one thing I wanted was never meant to be mine in the first place. Maybe. There are many generic reasons. And once the pain is allowed to be felt, we will always look for love to fill the void.
Might there not be a reason that love is not getting the proper recognition that it deserves? Pain demands to be felt, but does it need to be so morbidly dramatized? I don’t know. Maybe this all is a reasoning. Maybe this is me consoling myself asking me to stop letting the pain of the void be felt for such a long time. Still, I cannot stop wondering if it really is all about love than pain. If it’s secretly all about the want to be loved and cared for rather than swim in the attractive melancholy of pain bringing out the genius/poet inside of us. Really, in the end, when we are stripped off of everything what do we really want? And the answer ringing in my head is – love.
Love is what would bring peace in our minds and hearts. Love is what that would at times make us wonder if we are happy or sad.
Maybe this might be it. Or maybe not.
Maybe this is all as void and still like vacuum. Maybe.
Maybe it is all a game of time. Demanding to feel one thing after another. One more than another. Demanding to feel all at once sometimes. Maybe.
Right now there are feelings that are exploding like cherry bombs in my chest that I do not know what to do with these feelings at all. Probably dig and indulge in all the old memories.
Such a hot plate of mess.