I’ll skip all the nicety and get down to business, as you would like.
If it was acceptable in the “social norms”, I would tell you exactly what and how you make me feel half the time. What I have come to think of you over time because of all the confusions you have successfully implanted in my head.
I wish I couldn’t pretend that it’s all cool and normal when your actions and words do not walk hand in hand. I wish I could tell you that you do affect my emotions negatively when you commit to something with what seems like an honest earnestness but fail to tell me your real intentions. Telling the truth is better than all twisted formalities.
I have been a fool. A fool to think that over time there will be some progress, but it seems like I’ve made a failed investment. I’m sad that it’s become this mechanical because I was pushed. I cannot decide if I like you or dislike you. You are a wonderful person I’ve ever met. A gentleman who pretends a lot and thinks people don’t notice all the pretenses you think you hide so skillfully. But when indifference starts to creep in slowly, none of the wonderful traits matter. That’s the whole point of indifference isn’t it?
Your words hurt. Most of the times now.
Maybe my assumption of fair treatment is flawed. Maybe my perception is flawed because we do not communicate like we are supposed to. I say “maybe” because there maybe a perception I’m blind to – the your point of view that is resulting out of my treatment to you.
It’s too tangled for me to even stay calm about it anymore. Maybe it will be at the edge of nothingness or the edge of edginess that will make me blurt all the zingers that I have so carefully restrained myself from uttering at the expense of preserving our friendship.
Again, you do not know that you have affected me so much again. And I won’t tell you, not now, because I know you have your own battles to deal with and I have enough humanity in me to stay kind.
Maybe this is close to a finality. I’ll be slinking back in my shell. Because I cannot afford to be completely indifferent to anything or anyone. I do value our friendship enough to hold my tongue.
“Fools repeat the same mistake twice”, my chemistry teacher used to say. And I think I’ve been utterly foolish. Let’s keep it extremely businesslike as you want it to be.
You are a perfect businessman. I’ll not fall for your words no more. Maybe, I’ll not be a fool anymore.