The choker. It is constantly on my mind. I find my hand almost reaching my neck every time I think about it. I imagine it to be made of cold white steel with a fiery red ruby in the center. The ruby holds the rage, the shame, the penitence and some learning. Feel the cold steel, tighten its grip around my neck, making me gasp for my life, every time I am close to making same mistake. Ringing a faint and familiar taunting words in my ears, “Only fools make the same mistake twice.”
I am not sure if I’m imprisoned in the hands of fear. I am not sure if I doubt my decisions, because of one big mistake. I am not sure if it is killing my essence slowly.
But I am glad of that invisible choker around my neck. It keeps me in check. It lets me be wild but not reckless. It lets me be sad but not depressed. It lets me forgive myself, but not forget.
It binds me, but it also helps me evolve.
And sometimes, I am wildly proud of that choker around my neck.