One fine Sunday morning, when I was making French Toast for my father, I wondered – What am I doing with my life? Is my decision the right one? Did I make the correct move to accept a job that would shake my life?
And then, I heard my 2 year old niece talk to her mother. She had trouble making her own decisions. She wondered out loud with her mom – Should I wear the blue underwear with Lola on it or the red underwear with a yellow teddy on it?
Simpler times. I wish I can go back to making such decisions.
Yet, I love our lives.
The room was dark. She had just closed her eyes in an attempt to fall asleep. But suddenly there was a gush of strong breeze. The curtain rose in the air, sending the wind chimes in a tizzy. And then she heard someone jump. Startled, her eyes opened with a start.
She consoled herself that it was her mind playing dirty tricks again to steal her sleep. Stopped the anxiety before it burst out of control.
The breeze blew again bringing a relief on this night of hot summer. The wind chimes tinkling in a rhythm. Lulling her back to sleep.
Her eyes drooped shut.
All was silent again.
The setting was perfect. The sun had just set. There was a hint of rainy clouds coupled with a light breeze. The sky was the shade of dark navy blue slowly darkening to black.
I was nearing my block, that’s when I saw them. A couple. They must have been in their late 70s. The first thing that I noticed was the way they held each others hands. She had a firm grip, maybe helping him balance. Maybe holding herself steady. Or maybe, just holding because she wanted to. He had his walking stick in his other hand. They walked slowly, one small step at a time. In perfect sync.
I couldn’t help but smile.
Even for a cynic, with all the distrust in the world, looking at them couldn’t help but for that moment believe that things could be as real as that couple who had grown old together and still seemed to be very much in love.
I am pretty
Oh so pretty
And witty and smart
You said I’m pretty
Oh so pretty
You found me pretty
I got your attention
Should I feel nice?
(Read: See my face in your book.)
That beautiful moment when I’m pushed to live my dreams, chase what I want, because that world is where they feel I perfectly belong. And with that they probably feel the mistake they did is rectified. With that, they feel they are living their dreams through my eyes.
Teenage love. Probably nothing will be as pure as that. It now comes with baggage and conditions and a list to avoid the mistake that was made when I was a teenager. Irony.
Then again, there is a good chance that I am wrong. 🙂
I miss how simpler I was back then.
I have changed beyond recognition too.
Talking about love, there are so many beautiful, intriguing humans. I am finding it difficult to imagine being bonded to one and one alone.
It’s sad how we replace one from other so frequently though.
It’s sad how we think we are replaced.
When home, I will raise a toast for Poda Land with a shot of gin. And some more.
For she gave me my beloved independence. For she taught me to be responsible.
For she is making me feel grown up, now that I pay my own bills.
I once used to speak in pig language to irritate some.
Now I call my BIL a green angry bird pig.
I own two green angry bird ke pigs too.
Oink oink 😀
What is real, seemed unreal. Probably, I couldn’t grasp the moment that was then. Everything simply passed by my eyes and I questioned the moment, “Is this really it? Am I here now, breathing in this moment?”
And the mind wandered…
There is always a void within. I thought, I found one of the missing pieces. I tried putting it in a place and I was disappointed. Then I heard: disappointment is better than having nothing. At least I won’t be left standing wondering “what could have been?” before deserting a feeling. At times, keeping the image of a person as a memory is lot better than discovering what the person is and immortalizing the harsh reality.
And now, I know, there’s a long long way to go.
He was a beautiful human being, who didn’t know what’s going around him.
Being a beginner sucks. Especially managing the fret board, yea. Plucking the strings without looking at them, yea. Sucks being a beginner there. It looked so easy, but when it comes to actually doing it, gives my left hand three fingers a pain.
Shifting fingers, and listening to the string go out of tune is a big disappointment. But then, its only been two classes and 3 days. And then again, I can’t help push myself to go way beyond the defined level. It is fun too. I keep remembering this, “All things are difficult before they are easy.” There will be nothing as letting go, or giving up, because after all I did dream that I played Smells Like Teen Spirit on my guitar (Kurt Cobain was there too). Pretty fast and in tune too. 🙂
And best part out of all this is, I had held on to my plan and actually got my guitar. There were many, “Will I really?”, “Should I really?” But yea, totally worth it. Thanks to the Guitarist and my Dove for actually not letting me back off. 🙂
I love changes. Spontaneous, drastic and beautiful changes. Even though makes me feel stupid from time to time, but then what the..