That Goofy Face

There’s always this boy. I had a minor crush on him. Then we became, sort of, friends. Every time he opened his mouth, I would always feel that I like him lesser. But then, no matter what he said, this tall boy, when he would smile his full goofy smile at me whenever he passed me by, I could feel my heart do a double somersault no matter how hard I suppressed it. His smile was big and always seemed​ to reach his eyes. 

I would avoid his eyes every time we passed each other by. Especially if it was more than once in a day. Because he smiles his big smile every single time! Even if he was annoying and taken, his smile was contagious. His smile would leave a smile on my lips which would pass on to the next person passing me by. 

He is unaware and it will stay that way. It will be my little secret corner in a small room in my head: He’s that goofy faced friend, who notices it all, and makes me smile unwittingly ever time he smiles. And my day gets better.

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My Fickle Mind

Should I, or shouldn’t I?
One moment a yes, the other a no
I ask him and her hoping I’ll find a stand
But he says this and she says that
And I come back to the nagging question
Should I, or shouldn’t I?

This is a secret, but I look for a reason
A reason to do it and fight my insecurities
To break off my comfort bubble
Be one of those who say, “I did it all”
To find the courage and overcome the fear of rejection
I know what I want, but my mind plays games
And I find me asking myself
Should I, or shouldn’t I?

There is him
There is me
There are butterflies
There are my insecurities
I go back and forth and back again
The only thing my fickle mind asks me
Should I, or shouldn’t I?
–..

My Time Off

The feeling of vastness, of adventure, of challenges, and of distance is so powerful that a momentary, feeble beat in the heart fades away. The sight of which used to send my heart racing now feels like a distant memory. The memory threatens to dissolve in the midst of nothingness as time passes by, the feeling of vastness, of adventure, of challenges, of newness and of distance sticks on. It makes things easy and straightforward with the right amount of focus on the “important” things.

Now the question is, now that I’m back tomorrow, will he manage to set my heart racing when I lay my eyes on him?