That Happy Place

It was a big hunt, to find that one place of solace where I could find eternal peace. A place I can always run to everytime I felt down.

I first thought a beach called Thiruvanmiyur in Chennai. A place to let lose all the frustration with the strong night beachy breeze. I could see the stars twinkling if the weather was clear.

Then I moved.

It became impossible to touch those silky sands again and feel them slip between my toe. It became impossible to want to hear the waves at my whim and desire. I missed it.

I was in search again.

Then I was in Ha Long Bay. A visit. With people I liked being around. There was this boat ride. Being in middle of vast water body. Feeling peaceful in the midst of small islets. Sitting on the top of a big boat. Listening to the wind blow. Feeling tiny in midst of this huge, beautiful nature. Enjoying the silence I longed for. Leaving my sadness bit by bit. Because it could take it. Peaceful.

Then the trip came to an end.

I couldn’t travel across countries just to feel the serenity at my whim. It didn’t stay with me.

The search continued.

The next place was relatively closer. It was 3 hours drive away from the city. It was a lake in midst of a small city. It is called Kukkarahalli lake. A 4 kilometres stretch. A peaceful walk early in the morning. Walking around the water body which is surrounded by lushness. People co existing in peace. Doing their own thing. I had found a small corner in the middle of the stretch. A series of mini stairs which attempted to take me closer to the water. I could sit there, forever. Look at the calm water. Silent. Graceful. Emanating some strong positive energy. Making me feel refreshed. Renewed.

I had to return to the concrete jungle. Earn my livelihood. It wasn’t closer, again

The search continued.

When the heart is exhausted, relieved, in turmoil, the magnanimity of simple things stand out.

I had found my happy place at last. It was and is right here with me in my home. I discovered it while watching Charlie and Lola with my 2 year old niece. Her favourite cartoon currently. She either sits on me or next to me with her head leaning on my shoulder. Today, she sat on my lap resting her legs on my pillow. Her head resting on my chest. Snugly wrapped around in my arms as she sucked her thumb while she watched Lola create Lola land.

The search had ended.

There it was, everything and more than before. Right in my arms. Every single day.

My Happy Place in the world.

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A Slice of Life

A plethora of breeze gushed through her hair, as she stood behind the mini truck. Her hands thrown up in the air, as the truck sped through the jungle. The afternoon was sultry, but the breeze was cool. It kissed her cheeks and made her eyes water. But she smiled. She smiled, because:

For a moment, the walls around her were down;
For a moment, the voices in her head were silent;
For a moment, the anxiety that hits her chest was at bay;
For a moment, the sadness that engulfed her soul ceased to exist;
For a moment, the world was as it is supposed to be;
For a moment, everything was just right.

She stood, reminding herself that she is alive. Feeling alive. She stood and looked at the deer that had raised its head as the truck passed it by. She smiled, feeling light. She smiled because it trickled on her lips, letting go all the burden of the failures in her life. She just smiled. Simple pleasures of life.

In midst of silence, in midst of nature, in midst of nowhere, she found herself. A renewed strength. A glimpse of who she was. A glimpse of the path to find herself back again. A renewed gusto bubbled within her to get up every morning and look forward to something, anything. It broke the membrane in her mind which had always made her feel like a failure.

A sense of plan. A sense of goal. A sense of curiosity. A will to live. The courage to accept. The wisdom to forgive herself. A want to try again.  The courage to trust and hope. A want to be free.

She had tasted a slice of life, all over again.

 

My Adventure with Gazelle

It was a long drive. With many white lies. Once we reached our destination, it was the beginning of our own version of Mr. Bean’s Holiday.

It all started once we saw our first circle of the city. There were three roads ahead of us. By the time we saw a sign and decided which road to take, we had circled the roundabout twice. And when we realized what had happened, we bursted out laughing, and thus began our very own mini adventure. Then onward any road we took would be a path to new discovery. We were still lost. But the beauty of being lost is, you have no notions or a set up path and you end up finding new things. Build stronger relations. Face all emotions. And in the end, attain the most important thing we pursue: happiness in all that fun.

We had little time to spare and lot of things to do. And it’s amazing, how we then begin to value our time. The lesser the more valuable it gets. Unconsciously your whole world will revolve around that precious few hours. Inevitably you are made to think and decide – who and what deserves your time. And those decisions keep happening spontaneously, without you realizing who and what you discarded in that hurried moment. Probably that was the hard truth. Or probably that was what you chose to let go.

It was actually very simple. But the white lies made it all look like a big risk. It was a big risk. But in the end, it was worth it. And that added to the excitement.

Drive down to have one cup of hot chocolate and meet the love of my life.

Drive down to have one big plate of chicken and beer and do what he and I had planned to do since a long time.

The crazier it sounds when you start doing it, the better and better it keeps getting.