One fine Sunday morning, when I was making French Toast for my father, I wondered – What am I doing with my life? Is my decision the right one? Did I make the correct move to accept a job that would shake my life?
And then, I heard my 2 year old niece talk to her mother. She had trouble making her own decisions. She wondered out loud with her mom – Should I wear the blue underwear with Lola on it or the red underwear with a yellow teddy on it?
Simpler times. I wish I can go back to making such decisions.
Yet, I love our lives.
The mother held her baby in her arms as she rocked her gently. She sang that sweet lullaby in her soothing, gentle voice. Her dream of wanting to be a singer was fulfilled. She had an eager audience. Her daughter calmed down. Her breathing became regular. Her eyes heavy, until it was unbearable to keep them open anymore. She was finally asleep. But the mother continued to sing. Repeating the verses, enjoying the lyrics as she imagined dedicating each words to her daughter. Singing her emotions to her. Till the song slowly faded on her lips. Her eyes rested with the trailing verses.
The day came to an end. Another battle won. All that mattered was her baby daughter in her arms.
She blinked twice, trying to adjust to the new sensations of this something grownups around her called – the light. It was night, but for her, her day had just begun.
She opened her eyes and tried to look around. It was still blurry, but that didn’t stop her determination to explore.
Finally, my patience was rewarded and she saw me. Our gazes locked for split second and she cooed in her beauty as she turned her head to look beyond, unperturbed that she was now in my arms. She was only 5 days old and she was already trying to sit up and look around.
She sighed and wigged her way up to the curve of my neck. Her tiny hands latched on the neck of my tee as she squiggled and moved around till she found my heartbeat and rested her head on it. She blinked again, this time sleepily before she drifted off in her wonderland listening to my steady heartbeat.
I felt my thoughts ceasing to exist the moment she pulled herself closer and hugged me with all her might in her sleep. I was aware, yet unaware of my surrounding. I could only hear her steady breathing in the midst of all the beautiful chaos around me.
She was, like her mother loved to say, in pure state of zen. Unaware how infectious she was with her state of zen-ness. I was overflowing with love. Love that I once feared was beginning to slip in scepticisms. But here I was, bursting with it and yet I was still.
She gave me peace.