From:
Finding everything hopeless
Believing I’m a failure
Contemplating on my existence
Wondering the meaning of it all
Toying with my breath
Planning my own abrupt unnatural end
To:
Listing down the reasons to live
Enjoying the renewed closeness with folks
Peaking my head out of my spiral
Planning on doing everything I wanted
Appreciating the warmth of the morning sun
Slowing down
Giving my vulnerability a space to exist
Treating myself tenderly – I try
It has been a long journey. Long fight. With myself – my mind.
As of today, with whatever free will I have, I choose to live. Try not to merely exist. But be more.
It’s fucking awesome. Right now. This life and this feeling of being free from morbid thoughts.
All my traumas, anxieties, unseen illnesses are learning to breathe. Learning to take deep breaths with me.
No way am I now going to let myself or anyone ruin this. Go back to square one. Lose my self esteem and self respect. Because I let my fellow beings, including few “friends”, be almost successful in letting me feel insignificant as a human.
I’m a human. I’ve feelings. I’ve emotions. I’m more than my physical boundary – my face, body. I’m fighting from becoming stone cold again, from inside. I, at times, do feel I am running out of kindness and patience. Then I realise, kindness is unmeasurable and abundant, patience then just follows. I just need to bite my tongue and refrain from intentionally hurting someone – verbally. Words hurt. The most.
So all in all:
I am my own friend. My own hero. My own lover. My own companion. My own everything. And there will be no one fucking up this relationship with myself.
I’m more than my physical being. I’m boundless. I’m a fucked up mess. All of this and much more is me. I accept her. And I love her.
Through Four Eyes 